i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Even my vagina gasped.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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