Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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