Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
