Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
