sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
