and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
