so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
