HIV tests are more positive than that guy
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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