she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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