sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
