His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
