saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
