Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
