I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
