Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Drunk is a universal language darling
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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