Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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