You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
