I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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