Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
