she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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