Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
