A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
