we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
