Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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