It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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