READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
