I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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