I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
