It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
