And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
