sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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