The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
