I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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