i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
