remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize