We're like a lot better than the average bears
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
