Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
