hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
