how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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