When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
