Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
