Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
