Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
