all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
