I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
