I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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