Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
