i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
it was like eating out sand paper
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
