drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
