Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
