And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize