just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
