tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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