Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
