In the future we'll all be gay
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
