Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
