i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
