This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
