I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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