Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
