Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
