Well douche your snatch and let's go!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
