the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
