Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize